The conversation about “work/life” balance seems to be never ending. Among women entrepreneurs it is a mainstay and a cause for much consternation and feelings of inadequacy.
It seems that everyone has different ideas about what balance would look like or mean in their lives. Common spoken – or unspoken – themes include:
- having “it” all at once;
- and having “it” all as quickly as possible.
Where does the idea of this type of balance originate?
Is it all an illusion?
After all, “work” has to do with what we offer, do, create and contribute; so work itself is a part of “life,” not separate from it.
Depending upon the type of work one does, the time devoted to it can be all consuming. In my experience, the desire to achieve work/life balance is about not being consumed by one element of life over another element that is also of importance.
The reality is that every element of life is not of equal importance all of the time. The priorities alternate depending upon what is most urgent and important at the time. For example:
- the birth of one’s child;
- applying for a business loan;
- the ailing health of a loved one;
- a grant proposal that is due;
- finding employment (especially when you are unemployed or underemployed);
- trying to fill gaps in income;
- an unexpected risk to one’s own health;
- trying to advance one’s education or credentials;
- the immediate needs of oneself and one’s loved ones (food, shelter, clothing).
This list reflects the reality of floating between (the Eisenhower Decision Matrix): 
What is urgent?
What is important?
What is not urgent (although it may seem to be urgent)?
What is not important (although it may seem to be important)?
When I decide where a task falls on the matrix, I carefully consider the following four criteria:
- Being intentional about what I put on my plate. Asking myself if I have the capacity or energy to devote to the endeavor.
- Have I taken on more than I can manage and/or get adequate support managing? Things rarely go as well as possible.
- It is my responsibility to set boundaries and say “no” or “no thank you” and mean it? Meaning it is reinforced by one’s actions.
- Exploring when I should take on something else and when I should not.
- The phrase “timing is everything” holds real value for me.
- Setting priorities helps me to have better control on timing when I choose events in my life.
- Being flexible… There are always unforeseen steps and stumbles along the way.
- In general, I am fairly structured person. But within that structure there is also flexibility.
- There are some things that simply don’t matter and others that really do. Getting hung up on what doesn’t matter is often a function of avoidance.
- Believing things “have to be” or “have to go” a certain way, is a recipe for discontentment, complaints and a general experience by others that you are never satisfied.
- In addition, one may have both a real and felt experience of never being satisfied with one’s own experiences.
- Setting boundaries to reinforce that my primary needs are met.
- Primarily boundaries with myself;
- But also boundaries with others;
- If I don’t respect the limits I’ve set, then I can’t expect others to respect them.
I’ve noticed that a lapse in judgement in any of these four areas generally results in a “How did this happen?” experience that can also include physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual depletion.
The solution is nothing new. I think the great poet Rumi said it best, “Never give from the depths of your well…always give from your overflow.”
Copyright © 2015 Ruby Blow. All rights reserved.
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