What Have You Been Putting Off?

I have been putting off something very important. Not only have I been putting it off, I’m aware of why I haven’t completed the task. The reasons are both emotional and logistical. It makes this thing hard for me to do, but no less important.

I need to get my mother’s will notarized. We started working on it about 2 years ago, not long after I finished settling my father’s estate. Neither of my parents created a will when they were of sound body.

What’s Stopping You?

I helped my father draft his will in November, 2013. It was a few weeks before Thanksgiving. We used Legalzoom. I asked him all of the questions and helped him gather his financials. I spoke with an attorney for the legal consultation that goes along with the service. It took about a week to get that part completed. The next step was getting a few friends to meet us in order to witness and sign his will in front of a notary.

My father was physically weak from cancer, yet very happy to be out among people…he chatted with my friends about sports, and about their work and family. By March 1, 2014 my father was dead. It was fast.

What has stopped me from completing my mother’s will is the rapid decline of my father. It’s not logical. It’s pure emotion. I am afraid that once my mom’s estate is in order she will rapidly decline. I equally fear that she will die without a will.

The Time is Now

Today I went to pick her up for a doctor’s appointment. When I entered the house and called her name several times, she didn’t answer. She probably didn’t hear me. I knew that she was fine. But I did have another inner voice of panic that she could not answer because she was no longer on this earthly plane.

The time is now. I can no longer say “tomorrow,” or “next week,” or “when I have time.” Bringing this task to completion is vital to my well-being.

Mirrors

After all of our running around today…

Go to mom’s house…wait.. pack medication…leave for doctor’s appointment. Pick up mom (check).
Drop off prescription to be refilled (check).
Go up for doctor’s office and wait for appointment to start (check).
Complete forms; help to answer questions; see doctor; advocate; pull out notes from heart doctor 10 years ago (check).
Pick up prescription (check).
Go get car and pick up mom at the door (check).
Take mom for lunch and remind her to take medication (check).
Suggest to mom we pick up certified mail, she says “no, not today” (check).
Mom admits that she hopes if she avoids this particular certified mail it will go away (check).
I recognize that I am doing the same thing (check).

…my mom presented me with a mirror. I saw myself in her. I am overwhelmed, just like she is overwhelmed. I am scared at times, just like she is scared. Sometimes I think, “I can’t do it” or “I don’t want to do this.”

Getting Started

What else have I been putting off? When I got back home I looked at a stack of “to do’s” that are also related to assisting my mom.

Set up additional online bill pays.
Verify balances due.
Pay property taxes on her rental property.
Order checks.

I completed the 1st three tasks and got started on the 4th.

Finishing

Sometimes, it is a matter of making a commitment to do what needs to be done whether it’s enjoyable or not.

Sometimes, its about being who you need to be to face your fears.

Sometimes, it is about accepting what “is” instead of wishing it would go away.

Sometimes, it is a matter of starting; then returning to the task at hand; and then finishing it.

Whether what you need to do is a discrete task with a clear start and finish or if it is an ongoing task that requires regular attention – staying sober, managing money, eating healthy, exercising, getting rest — whatever it is, stop putting it off.

Just stop. Then start. Then finish or continue.

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